Value and Perspective

I haven't written a post for a while for several reasons, which I don't feel the need to divulge in at the moment. But I do feel motivated today to write something I've learned recently. May it'll help someone out there.

While I am juggling several freelance jobs and a full-time contract gig doing marketing consulting and graphic design, I am looking for long-term, full-time employment in Los Angeles.

Looking for a job is so much like dating. The more I interview, the more I see similarities in the two circumstances. The difference for me now is that I treat job hunting completely differently than I handled dating.

When I was dating, I was so anxious to find a husband, I didn't enjoy the process at all. I constantly worried about what I looked like, sounded like, what the other guy thought of me, the last time he called, when he would call again, what our children would look like, what kind of a life we would have, where we would live, what our wedding would be like, etc., etc., etc. These were not just passing thoughts. They controlled my mind nearly constantly. Because of all that worry, I wasted a lot of energy and didn't enjoy dating near as much as I could have. (READ: I made myself crazy and quite unpleasant to be around.)

What I lacked was perspective and knowledge of my personal value.

No one can truly give you perspective. Someone older or more experienced could tell you of their experience, which helps a little, but every person's experience is different. No one could have told me 10 years ago what my life would be like as a married person in spite of all my worry and anxiety as I thought about what my house would be like if I married the guy sitting on the other side of the table at Applebees. When you're dating, you think things are going to be one way or another, but truthfully you just can't know.

No one can truly give you personal value. When you rely on others to value you, it's like being traded on the New York Stock Exchange. Your value goes up and down depending on the day, who you talk to, and what the current trend is. Many live their lives on this roller coaster, and the result is generally unhappy people. When I was dating, I valued myself in regard to the latest fling. What he thought of me. How many guys were interested in me. Sometimes that went up, and I held an air of arrogance with my "accomplishments." A lot of the time it went down -- way down -- because so-in-so said this or that guy dropped me like a ton of bricks. It's a sucky way to live life.

So now that I'm looking for a job, and I can see the similarities between dating and job-hunting, do I value myself with what so-in-so company thinks of me? No way. Now that I have perspective, I see that this-or-that company may be looking for something different than me. It's not right or wrong // good or bad... it just is. 

I have value regardless of what employer sees or doesn't see, wants or doesn't want, and I have a set of abilities and vision to bring to the table. When I was dating I sortof saw in myself what I would bring to the relationship, but I didn't value myself like I should have. If I really saw what value I have back then, I would have approached dating confidently and not let it rock me around so much. I may have made the exact same decisions, but it would have been a more pleasant experience.

A job, like a relationship, is a mutual investment. Both sides need to like what they see enough to take the risk to invest in each other. You don't know what it's going to be like down the road; your perspective at the beginning is limited. But me seeing the value I have in myself will help me find the position with the people who will value me for what I truly am and truly have. And it's making the process feel a lot smoother because it doesn't matter what the cast-aways think. Someone will see my value that I see in myself. And that's the kind of people I want to work with.