Things You Should Never Say to a Preggo

This post is inspired by real comments made to me.

On behalf of pregnant women everywhere, I PLEAD with you, even if the pregnant woman you're speaking with looks like she's been eating nothing but marshmallows and cheeseburgers for eight months (because pretty much looks like a combination of the two of them), and you are seriously tempted to speak, please do not say any of the following comments:

• "Are you having twins? You look like it."
• And then, when confirmed it is just one child, do not follow your previous comment with: "Oh. You must be carrying at least a 9-pounder."
• "Wow! Your ankles are huge!"
• "Do you think you could get any bigger?"
• "You know, my sister only gained 20 pounds when she was pregnant." 
• "Ooooh, your booty looks like it's balancing out your belly."
• "You look like you're ready to pop any minute."

Again, even if any of those comments are true, limit your conversation to the following (even if it's a blatant lie):

• "Pregnancy suits you well!"
• "You look fantastic."
• "You don't even look pregnant from behind!"
• "You must be taking very good care of yourself. Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating enough?"
• And if you're tempted to ask how far along she is, please underestimate how many months. Like this: "How far along are you?"  "Seven months." "Seriously? I wouldn't have guessed you were a day more than six!"

Seriously, people... we have mirrors. We know we are the size of a planet. We know of the cute preggos down the street who honestly don't look pregnant at six months.  We give you permission to lie to us.

Signed, 

The pregnant woman with swollen ankles, with a belly big enough for twins, with a bum big enough to carry two more babies, who has gained more than 20 pounds, and who is not ready to pop for at least another three weeks. 

And so what if I've been eating nothing but marshmallows and cheeseburgers for the last eight months?  

:)